Homework - follow the rule (Nov, 9th, 2010)

Alexander does not like homework and it usually takes him a long time to finish it.


Daddy’s car broke down in the morning, and we had to get the kids from school. Then we were busy shopping for a new car and had dinner. By the time we got home, it was almost 7:30 pm. Luckily, the next day there’s no school (Veteran’s Day), and I asked Alexander if he could work on his homework on the following day. Alexander started to panic and insisted that he must finish his homework first. No matter how we explained to him, Alexander was insisted he had to finish it, and sure enough he did.

I was surprised it only took him 15 minutes to get it done. Just like “follow the rule” rule, he had to follow our home rule – homework first, then play – even though we were all tired. ;)

See them in Heaven

Alexander created a lot files on Wii. His sister, Meiying, would like to delete some of her game play pictures from Wii to free up some HD space. (These were “freeze frame” shots taken during their games that caught various animated characters, and not of great significance. At least that’s what we thought). When he found out, Alexander cried and could not let go of these images. It took a while for him to agree that Meiying could delete some of her files. But at night, Alexander cried and asked me: Mom, will I see these images when I go to heaven? I told him: “Maybe, I am not sure. I haven’t died and gone to heaven, so I do not know. If I die, I will not be able to tell you. I really do not know.” Two days later, Alexander whispered to me: Mom, I prayed to God last night, asking him to let me see these images when I go to heaven. And he had a shy smile and started to giggle.
I do not know what or how to explain. Again, who knows? I saw his happy face and I think that’s all that mattered.

Sensory – the sound hurts

When our slippers slide on the cement, it makes very minor scratch sound. The sound make Alexander cry, because it hurts his ears.


When our cell phone was in low battery and just started to beep, Alexander jumped out of his bed from his sleeping and started to cry in the middle of night. The sound hurts his ears. It was only one beep and his bedroom is next to ours. We closed our doors. It happened few times and every time he react the same – Jump out his bed and cry.

When the pencil scratched the paper, Alexander started to cry. It hurts his ears. I had to find soft lead pencils for him.

When I shout at him and ask him to take easy and ignore the sound. Alexander would try to manage his emotion at first, but when the sound make again, he would cry and cry, and told me: You do not understand how it hurts my ears and my skin. It really hurts!

What should I do? I could not stop any of these situations happen in public place and school. But I could not see him cry and in painful reaction. What should I do?

I have to make sure no low-battery peep sound from any cell phone. Try to walk carefully when I am with him. I could only advice him to walk away or cover his ears when the sound happens in public place and in school. Alexander try and really try do his best to handle the sound in public place.

Yesterday, Alexander told me that Mr. Hurley let him eat his lunch at Mr. Hurley’s office because Alexander could not handle the shoes scratch sound at lunch time in school. Alexander told me that he felt much better that he did not have to hear the terrible scratch sound. It really hurts. I was very touched, we are very lucky to have nice group of people in school to help him. Thank you, Mr. Hurley. Thank you!

Homework (Sep, 14th)

Alexander got home around 2:30pm. At 6:20pm, I started to get mad that he still not finishes his homework. Most of time, I was working & helping him to keep “focus” !!!

Mom: Alexander! You got home at 2:30 and now it is about 6:30, it already four hours and you can not finish your home work… you do not have that much homework and you….!” (Loud voice)

Alexander: Mom, it is 6:22. It is not four hours yet.

Mom: You know what I mean!!! It takes forever for you to get homework done!!!(Louder voice)
Alexander: It does not take me “forever” to get my homework done. “Forever’ is infinite, till the whole universal reset and start again. I do not take "Forever" to finish my homework.

I look at his serious face and I started to laugh. How could I get mad if he does not get it at all? We finally finish his homework at 6:50pm.

Split a Hair

Alexander: Mom, what does “split hair” mean?

Mom: Well, it usually means “almost on the target”, something like “with very tiny error, it’s almost perfect”.

Alexander: I still don’t understand. What does “split a hair” mean?

Mom: Well, let’s check the dictionary. On page 1017, number 8: split hairs: to concern oneself with small unimportant differences, esp. in arguments.

Alexander: No! It does not mean that! I still don’t understand.

Mom: Could you let me know where do you see this? What is the sentence?

Alexander: I saw it in the Simpson’s comic book, Bart said: “Did I mention I can shoot an apple off the bartender’s head without splitting his hair? “And Millhouse (Bart’s friend) said: “he is bald, Bart.”

Mom: Oh…it is like an old cowboy show or shooting training trick, people put an apple on someone’s head and shoots the apple without hurting the person, (with a hand gesture to show Alexander) it means he shoots so well and it is on the target (the apple) and did not even make the person’s hair split.

Alexander laughed and laughed…then said: Millhouse (Bart’s friend) said “He is bald, Bart!!!!”

Sound that make skin feel hot and cold

Alexander was sitting outdoor and doing his home work while his sister is practicing her swimming with her team. I helped him to move the plastic folder and his home work over to other side of table. Alexander covered his ears and shouting: “Mom, you make the sound make my skin feels hot & cold!!!” I could not believe how this minor scratch sound would do that, so I did again to see how he does. He really shaking his body and told me again, “Mom, stop it! You make my skin feel hot and cold again!!!” I looked at him and amazed by how sensitive he is. I felt so sorry and would not do it again.

Summer vacation 2010 – fireflies

In summer, we visited Taiwan for six weeks and spent some time with my part of family (Alexander’s grandmother, aunties, and relatives).


We wanted to see some fireflies at evening in Taiwan. I thought it would be a great experience for kids. I prepared Alexander with the idea few days before the event, then, that morning, reminded him, again, a few hours before we went. It was a beautiful day and everything went as planned. We drove to the country side of Kaohsiung city (South of Taiwan) and it was getting dark. We walked along a small path in grass field and farm houses. We waited and saw some blink lights flicking in the grass. It was beautiful. Meiying, Victor, and friends started to use their caps to catch fireflies. Alexander started to panic and kept asking to go home. I tried to keep him have fun and showed him fireflies and the starry sky at this beautiful place. Alexander started to shake his body, cried, and walked away like he was lost. My sister followed him, held him, and walked with him to the car. I had to collect my kids and informed my friends we were leaving, then went after Alexander & my sister. As I watched him, he looked as though he were lost and panicked. I felt as though I was going to cry along with him. I held my tears and used my calm voice and held him in the car for a while. I asked him and found out: Alexander panicked because he was worried we would get lost in the field and never find a way back home. Alexander cried because he could not handle the mixed smell of dirty water, soil, and grass. And it was dark, and we are in a very strange place. Alexander could not handle it at all.

Here we go, we had to leave even though we just got there. I held Alexander and could only assure him we were fine and would be home soon. That night, I cried and watched him sleep with his body curled in a blanket. I kissed him and make different plans for rest of summer vacation activities – No more evenings in a strange place.

Summer vacation 2010 – say goodbye to friends

Two years ago, when we left a hotel which we stayed three nights in Tokyo, Alexander cried on the way to Airport. He told us he liked the place and was sad to leave.


One year ago, we left Taiwan after our long summer vacation; Alexander cried and told us he would miss Taiwan and his favorite computer game.

This year, after our summer vacation, Alexander seemed to handle goodbyes to friends better. No tears. We were very glad to see his positive spirit.

After we came back home and we had some friends visit us for five days. When our friends left, Alexander started to cry. He will miss them and would like to see them soon.

Is this being soft-hearted or Asperger’s related? Who could tell? But I know, I will always hold him and assure him we will see our friends again.

Selected Memory

We’ve lived in the same house for over six years. Alexander still can’t remember our neighbors’ names. No, I am not joking.

We meet with our neighbors almost every week and we’ve spent most of the holidays together for years. I’ve drawn each family tree and taught Alexander over and over again. Alexander only remembers some kids who play with him often, no more and even then he doesn’t always remember. Today, we went to Kelly’s house (the house right in our front door) to find some books her elder son no longer need. I thought Alexander knew exactly which house and whom I was talking about. Just before I got my shoes ready, Alexander asked me: Is the house with swimming pool? (FYI – the house with the swimming is our neighbor on another street).

I paused. This is an unbelievably selective memory. We just spent last weekend together, four days ago, and how could he not know Kelly?!

And yet, Alexander knows all his favorites books, video game level details, and he can read very well.

I plan to take few pictures and review with him. Hopefully, by this Christmas, Alexander will know our neighbors names. Thanks to all of our nice neighbors, they are always very patient with Alexander and repeat for him their names every time. I can only say, Alexander has an unbelievable selective memory.

Detention Again

Alexander got into trouble again; this time, he apparently punched another schoolmate. When asked, Alexander explained that the other boy was elbowing him, but it wasn’t clear who started the ruckus. Part of the issue was that the boy was not following directions, Alexander got frustrated, and it was hot—“ninety degrees outside in the sun.” We tried again to explain to him that he is not to hit others; he said he understood, but it’s not really clear that he grasped the importance of the issue.

Follow the rules

I had to go pick up Victor and Alexander wanted to stay home to finish his homework. I told Alexander: “You know the rules – don’t play games, don’t open or answer the door, don’t use any electronic things in the house. After you finish your math, you can work on one Kidbiz. I will be back in 5 minutes.” Alexander frowned and told me: “I cannot work on my Kidbiz”. I asked: Why? Alexander replied: You told me that I cannot use any electronic things in the house, so I cannot use the computer to work on my Kidbiz.”
"..........."

Why didn’t you tell me?

Alexander usually drops a lot crumbs on the floor when he eats cookies or cake. I often have to clean it even after he tries to clean it up himself. On this particular day, Alexander was eating cup cakes and I told him: “keep your food above the table and don’t drop crumbs on the floor”.


After I finished cleaning the dishes and he finished his cake, I noticed only few crumbs on the floor. But while I was cleaning it I realized his chair had A LOT crumbs. I asked him: “I thought I asked you not to drop crumbs—so what happened to your chair?” Alexander replied: “I did what you asked me to and I did not drop many crumbs on the floor. . . you didn’t tell me about the chair, why didn’t you tell me not drop crumbs on the chair, too?”

Detention

Mom: Why did you hit others and get detention today in school?

Alexander: “First of all, Kirkland told me Miss Suster is not around and we can do WHATEVER we want, and second of all, one kid who I do not know touched things that he shouldn’t, so I hit him. Then, Koa and Justin keep making noise and being annoying, so I got angry and I hit and elbowed them.”
After our talking and explained what’s better action that he can choose. Alexander will not be able to play any video games.

Well, as far as I remember, he enjoys “time out”, so he can sit and day dream. He prefers to play and do things by himself. It is not punishment for him. Take away his favorite food, he does not sweat, because he does not like to eat much. It is not punishment for him. Detention seems just another place for him to do his own thing.

Well, what will make him REALLY unhappy: not being able to play games, read, or draw. Alexander got his detention at home.

home report vs school report

It has started to gett better.
When Alexander was in the first grade, I could not get much information from him. Everyday, I would ask him about school, and I always got: "I don't know" or "I forgot". Alexander insisted he never had any "spelling tests" or any "test" in school. And yet, every Friday, I would get his spelling test paper from school. Every few days, I would ask Yasmina (neighbor/classmate) about homework or what's going on in school.
Now, I have begun to get from Alexander nearly all related information about his classes, teacher, activities, and why he got color-coded "Yellow" (misbehaving or not paying attention) while in school.
Well, Alexander is getting better, but often still needs his attention to be refocused. He still often has some behaviorial problems. Alexander's teachers and school have been very helpful and I would like to increase the communication among all of us. I also would like provide background for the record in the hope it will help Alexander's future education.
This blog is my home report. It will be a continuing diary.

Outside for 20 minutes

Alexander: "Mom, can I play video games now?"
Mom: "No."
Alexander: "Why?"
Mom: "I prefer you go outside to play or do something else."
Alexander: "But Mom, I did not play any games today. . .please?"
Mom: "OK, if you go outside to play for 20 minutes, then you can play video games." (I junst now notice Brayden & Yasmina are outside in the front).
Alexander: "Ok!"
Twenty minutes later, Alex comes in the house and says: "I was outside for 20 minutes." Now I am going to play video games.
Alexander did in fact go outside--but in the backyard--and simply sat in a patio chair for 20 minutes (!)

Blow a whistle

Grandma helped Alexander to get his bath water ready.
Grandma "Alexander, if you need anything, I will be in the living room, just whistle."
Alexander: "Hmm...but Grandma, I don't know how to whistle."